PERSONAL ESSAY: Overcoming fear and finding a place at MSU

Drill Field
Photo by Jimmy Smith 

By Jordan Brock 

On my first day of class I had butterflies that fluttered from my toes to the tip of my fingers. What new adventure was ahead? I started my walk from the Commuter East parking lot past the T.K. Martin building. I approached the four way stop to see cars that moved at a specific pace, one car after another in the same order each time. I stood there and waited to cross the crosswalk, sun beaming on my head and the wind from the cars blew my hair into my face.

 I stepped my foot out just for it to be taken back by the red Ford truck that quickly approached. I stepped my foot out again in hopes this time the cars would notice me, but yet again my foot was taken back by a black Toyota Camry. I stood at the crosswalk and thought “Am I really this invisible?”  As a freshman you are welcomed and accepted, but as a transfer you are a junior. You are expected to know everything about everything.

The first day of school is always the hardest. From my parents’ car to now my own car, that anxious feeling I get when I close that car door is a feeling like no other. That first day of college was an exhilarating experience, but my first day did not start at MSU.

Beginning at ICC

I started my college career at Itawamba Community College. ICC is in the town of Fulton, Mississippi, which just so happens to be the town I grew up in. ICC was the best two years of my life but was cut short my last semester due to COVID-19 outbreak. Everyone left for spring break not knowing we would never go back to campus.

It was a daze. I never got the goodbyes, never got my one last walk around campus, never got my graduation. With all of this sadness I was so excited to continue my college career at MSU. I had all of these high hopes that MSU would be amazing.

I went to my first class at MSU. I walked up to McComas Hall not knowing what door to enter through. I watched other students walk down the concrete stairs up to the building and through a door. I followed them so I would look like I knew where I was going, when in reality I did not.

I stood at the building map right inside the door and looked for room 201. My thoughts were it had to be on the second floor. I wandered the halls until I found a stairwell that went up. With each step I took the more my anxiety climbed out of my head into my stomach, toes, and hands. As I reached the second floor I saw a piece of copy paper, taped to a wall, with bold numbers 201 and 204 with an arrow pointing to walk around a corner. There I found my first class. 

I entered the classroom and sat at a small wooden desk only big enough for my laptop to fit on. I slowly felt the anxious feeling of being lost in a maze drift away. There sitting in that classroom was my first friend at MSU. Parker sat beside me. 

Making friends

The first day of class was stressful. I had no clue what I was doing. I thought everyone in my class had the mentality of just another start to another semester at MSU. Little did I know my first friend would be a transfer student just like I was. After a couple of class meetings and correcting each other's Intro to News Writing stories, we opened the door to the room where you start to let details of your life trickle out. I soon learned that Parker had transferred from Meridian Community College to MSU. 

There I was sitting in my class and realizing someone else had the feeling of being a little fish in a huge pond. When I saw that I was not the only one flooded with questions that I was expected to know but didn't, I realized how transfer students were swept under the rug.

There are so many outreaches to freshman, but not to transfers. I looked for ways to meet friends and get involved but I fell short. There was no place to find my niche. I was new to the huge aspects of a university. I didn’t know about Cowbell Connect or any way to find organizations on campus. No one targets transfer students. The new year is all about freshman.

Finding a place

After my whole junior year, I learned the ways of a university, but I wasted a whole year of opportunity, a whole year of new friends and college experiences. I rekindled an old friendship with my high school best friend, Payton. Payton has attended MSU all of her three years, so when I told her how lost I felt she stepped right in to helping me. She showed me the multitude of MSU Instagram accounts and what cowbell connect was and how to use it. This opened my eyes to the hidden world of MSU I had been yearning to find. 

The first semester of my senior year I went in knowing what was out there and how to get involved. I was involved in multiple clubs at ICC, so I was excited to know how to maneuver MSU. I had to learn how to feel connected, how to make friends, and how to get involved all on my own.

The more time I spend at MSU the more I realize that there are some outreaches for transfer students. The transfer student association is a place for transfer students to get together with people who have the same struggles of learning an entire new college.

My senior year I joined an organization called the Involvement Ambassadors. The entire goal of this organization is to help students find their niche on campus. We are the liaison for the clubs and the student’s body. As an Involvement Ambassador we host events across campus to help get students involved in something on campus. A student can make an appointment with an Involvement Ambassador. A student can fill out a quick survey on their hobbies and interests and when they come to the appointment we can steer them towards a club or organization to call home.

The struggles I faced when transferring to MSU is something I want other students to avoid. I joined the Involvement Ambassadors to help others who felt as lost as I did. I have grown to absolutely love MSU, and I want to help other students who see this school as a mere place to attend class so that they can see it can be so much more than that. My goal is to show students that no matter what year you come to MSU that you can make this place your home. 

MSU filled a part of my heart that was missing. When I think of MSU I think about how I can have all the lasts of a college student: a last walk around campus, a graduation, and a final goodbye. I found a new campus that made me feel at home. My hope is that other people feel the feeling of calmness and comfort when you walk on MSU’s campus that I eventually found.